I always felt out of place as a child.
I felt awkward in social situations and I was extremely self conscious. When I found drugs, these feelings disappeared. When I was high, I felt comfortable in my own skin. I felt invincible and happy for the first time in my life. Looking back, I believe that I was an addict from the very start. Sure, I built a physical dependence on opiates after abusing them for an extended period of time, but I was mentally infatuated and obsessed with the high that was produced from the first time I took pain killers.
The progression of my addiction lead me to become a person I never thought I would be. I had so much potential – I was an honor roll student, a star basketball player, and a daughter who could do no wrong. Within 6 years of abusing drugs, I became a junkie who couldn’t get out of bed in the morning without sticking a needle in my arm.
By the age of 20, I had been put in jail for distribution of a controlled substance, I had lost my full-ride scholarship to university, and I had become suicidal. I saw no way out of the grips of addiction, so my goal each day was to do enough heroin to ensure that I would overdose and never wake up.
Two years later, I still hadn’t managed to end my life. One night, I told myself that if this last dose didn’t kill me, I would get help. When I woke up, I made the phone call to my mother that would change my life forever.
I went to a detox where I was medically supervised during my withdrawal period, followed by three months of inpatient rehab. Treatment was great for me, I needed physical separation from drugs and a safe place to sleep at night, but the reason I am sober today is because of the measures I took to change my life once I was released from rehab.
I chased my sobriety just as furiously as I chased my drugs and I got it. I began to surround myself with women who had more clean time than I did and I took every suggestion that was given to me. I was told to find a God of my own understanding and to ask Him to take away the obsession to get high.
Despite being raised an atheist, I did it. I began to pray. I began to meditate. I began to treat others with the same love and compassion that the sober women in my life showed me. I began to live an honest life based on spiritual principles of honesty, love, and unselfishness.
Today, I have a job that I love where I get to spread awareness around the disease of addiction. I am the manager of a sober living home where I get to watch other women recover from a hopeless state of mind and body. My mother doesn’t have lay awake at night, fearful that her daughter will die. I have a life that I am grateful for today, and that is more than I could’ve ever asked for.
Cassidy Webb is an avid writer from South Florida. She works for a digital marketing company that advocates spreading awareness on the disease of addiction by writing for websites like https://louisvilledrugrehab.com/. Her passion in life is to help others by sharing her experience, strength, and hope. You can find her on Twitter.